Financial infidelity is a topic that has led many people to end relationships and even marriages. We’re going to discuss about how we have dealt with financial infidelity and how we recovered from it.
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We are going to be transparent yet again because it’s our desire to be as helpful as we possibly can to help as many people out there to deal with all things money. Sometimes money can be a tough, sticky topic to deal with.
The term financial infidelity is just like in any other type of infidelity but this is financial – maybe you have a secret bank account or you’re spending secretly away from your spouse or your significant other; or you’re incurring debt behind their back or they’re not just aware of your financial situation as a whole, and you’re putting on this façade that you’re something that you’re not when it comes to your finances. Any of those things can be considered financial infidelity and this is actually something that we’ve had to deal with in our marriage as well.
This is a topic that’s so prevalent in so many homes more than you probably realize and it may very well be going on in your home currently and you don’t even know about it. It is still a very touchy for me even nine years into marriage. Anytime we talk about it I can still feel the emotions that we went through during such a very difficult time prior to our marriage. We were on two different game plans financially, so prior to us getting married, we went through premarital counselling with our pastor and our financial situation was one of the topics that we’ve discussed.
Right after our counselling session, I had this idea to kind of review our credit report because it’s good to know where we stand and I wanted to make sure that everything’s correct and current. We got the credit reports in the mail. He had some things in the credit report that was not quite settled and it sort of confused me because I thought the only debt that he had was the vehicle. Some of the other debts that I saw on the credit report still said open and I really didn’t understand that but he had an answer for everything.
I was on the path of recovery with my finances at least mentally. I have changed my mindset and was looking at money differently but I still had all these bad decisions that I’ve made in the past and I was still paying for them in the form of loans amounting to thousands of dollars worth. Now I’m about to get married and my gut instinct told me not to tell Tai because I didn’t want Tai to view me differently or to think that I’m this bad person when it comes to money. So I went on this feverish plan to try and get rid of the debt on my own prior to us getting married so that I didn’t have to bring anything into the marriage, but it didn’t work out. We had to come to the point where I had to confess that I had not been truthful when it came to my financial picture and that I was not this person that I was making myself out to be, although mentally I have changed. We were at a point right before we were supposed to get married trying to decide if we were still going to get married.
I was in the finance sector so I had the capability of finding out certain financial things if I wanted to because of my position, and so I did just that. I started to doubt and I started to question everything that he was telling me about his credit. I made a few phone calls and needless to say, I found out that he still owed money. When they told me and I heard the balance on the other end of the phone, I was devastated. I wasn’t necessarily devastated because of the amount of money, but what hurt me the most was the trust or the foundation that we were laying. I was at a loss and didn’t know what to do. But I had to see his side as well. He didn’t want to be untruthful to me. He was trying to hurry up and feverishly get out of this debt before we got married and it just didn’t work out. So we learned a lot from that lesson. We learned that you must be truthful no matter what.
What you’ll find is once you’re transparent, you’ll find out that this person that you made a vow with is there for you and that you were put together for a reason. You will have to operate as a union. Sometimes you’re afraid of the outcome and that you may be rejected by your spouse and looked down upon. But actually the opposite can very well be what might happen. We became more of a team. But when you keep things from one another, it’s going to do nothing but add more and more problem and more stress.
Our goal is not just to increase your net worth or decrease your debt amount. Our goal is for marriages to be made whole and for you all to come together and operate as a team because we know that if we can help you do that, you all can change your legacy, your children’s legacy and the community around you.