The Number One Marriage Lesson We’ve Learned so Far
Marriage can be tough. It can be difficult, but it can also be rewarding. It can be trying at times, and it will be awesome at other points. One of the best things about marriage is that it is a learning process. You’re always learning, your steady growing, and your constantly getting better. Well, at least, you should be striving for that. The number one marriage lesson we’ve learned so far in our almost ten years of marriage is always maintaining a united front.
In our marriage, anytime a situation comes up, whether it involves an outside family member, or anybody else, it’s always “US”, “WE” or “OUR”. We’re never pointing the finger to our spouse and vice versa. It is always about “Our decision is…”. That is very important when it comes to marriage because there’s no “I” in team. We are in this together so we make family decisions and marriage decisions together.
We make financial and parenting decisions together. It’s to the point that if anyone does come to us, for example, if it’s for a financial situation, we don’t even have to say, “Let me talk to my husband” or “Let me talk to my wife”. They’ll just say, “I know you have to talk to Talaat or I know that you have to talk to Tai, so I’ll just wait for a response.” And that’s remarkable! That means we’re doing something right because everyone else realizes that we’re in this together and that we’re a team.
The decisions that you make in your home aren’t always going to be popular or aren’t always going to be understood by those outside of your home. However, you have to always maintain the course. Even when we were paying off a bunch of debt, and we were working our way through some tough financial seasons, our decisions were not always agreeable with everybody.
Some people even questioned us. Why? “It doesn’t take that much” and “You can do it this one time”, but we never wavered. We knew the plan and we knew what our goal was. In those moments, we had each other to lean on, and we had each other to fall back on, which was so encouraging. This was so beneficial to our relationship because one of the best parts of marriage is when you operate as a team and you know that your spouse has your back.
This way of living could very well be unpopular with those closest to you, especially your own family members. You have to remember who you are married to. We have to remember what the bible tells us in Matthew 19:5,
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
We’ve had to make some tough decisions and have some tough conversations with others, but we knew what we were aiming at. That made those tough conversations easier because we came up with a game plan together. When you’re sitting down with your spouse and you’re making a budget for the month, that’s the game plan that you are making together that nobody else can break, not even your kids. Don’t let any other outside influence take you off course.
It is satisfying to know that you have someone in your corner to support you and that they have your back 100% of the way. We have made some tough decisions in our family and we’ve had to stick to it. We made the unpopular decision that we stopped giving out loans. If we don’t have it to give, then we don’t give it. That’s not an easy conversation to have with some people, but it was the plan that we came up with, and it’s the plan that we have stuck to.
We are big givers and we love to give when we have the ability to give. We realize, though, that even in giving, it can be hard because most people don’t always remember the times that you have helped them out, but instead they choose to look at only the times that you were not able to help. That can be the hurting part about it – how people can quickly forget how you have been there and what you have done.
What has to happen in those moments is, your spouse has to be able to wash you in the Word of God. It’s so easy to become discouraged, but the Bible tells us in Galatians 6:9,
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Some people will not recognize your efforts. They don’t see that you’re trying to get out of debt. They don’t recognize that you’re only trying to make some sacrifices to better your life and to better your children’s lives. They may not get it, but don’t be weary in that. You just have to stay the course. That’s why you have your spouse to watch your back. We want to encourage you to be a unified front together in all things – in your finances and in raising your children. Working together in a unified front is our challenge to you. When you strive to do something different like get out of debt or get your finances under control, people are going to come and try to derail you, and those influences can start to have an effect on you.
You have to know what you and your partner have come up with, and you got to stick with it. Don’t let any outsider influence you at all. All that matters is, what you think about each other, and that’s the attitude that you got to develop in your marriage. That bond between you two is and has to remain, indestructible.